I keep having this feeling that I need to decide what to be when I grow up. Some kind of career that will provide a stable income for me. Somedays it's being a cake decorator. Somedays it's planning events. More recently I've thought about hair design. Not because I'm particulary passionate about any of these things, they just seem like something I might be good at. But I had a conversation with Chris the other night. The same conversation I've had with Leanne a few times. He told me (or at least this is what I heard) that instead of being distracted by coming up with new career ideas, I should focus on making being an artist work. That I need to learn how to market myself and get my work out in the world. I think a lot of artists have that problem, we focus so much on what we're creating, making a statement, etc, that we forget that being creative is only half of the job.
The next day I was talking to a coworker and she said something that really woke me up. She said that I was very likely created to be an artist. And to deny myself that would be denying the role that God created me to play in this big world. Somehow I feel like that gave me permission to move forward. And to own this.
I don't know why I have tried to deny the fact that I am an artist.... I think it's out of fear. Fear that I won't succeed or ever be able to support myself or my future family with my work. But I have to remember to trust, and that I'll NEVER get to where I want to be if I give up now.
Wow, Ashley, I can't even tell you how familiar this sounds to me. It's almost too funny...I identify right down to the cake decorating!
ReplyDeleteMy few year stint as a pastry chef/cake decorator was ABSOLUTELY an attempt to run away from my calling as an artist, because I "could be good at it", and it "would make more money" and hey, it was still "artistic", right?
In reality, it was just me trying to do what was easier so I could avoid the inner turmoil that is having to make art. Yikes!
So...I just know how you feel, I think. I do believe you have a calling as an artist...and that doesn't mean you can't work as many other jobs as you need to to make that work! But I think it's really important to remember that your identity as an artist trumps them all.
The end!
R